Internet connections - I have been trying to outsmart yahoo and change my password frequently before it locks me out. Then it takes longer to try and convince yahoo it is really me. Today I was able to send out Update #5 before I left for the introduction and nothing kicked back yet. Let’s keep praying!
But now Facebook is another issue! I tried posting photos and a post about the introduction. It is not posting at all. Then I tried posting without photos on Sunday when I was on my way to church. It sat in “this is taking a long time to post” mode and then said it couldn’t be posted. So I am believing that I will send what updates I can but photos will have to wait until I get home. Sorry!
Because there is so much to talk about that happened all week, I am going to fast forward to the Introduction. I will come back to praise God about the activities of last week!
Most of last week centered on preparing for the Introduction. Because they had not received all of the funds that were on their Introduction budget, they were making decisions especially about the dowry. The bride’s family is responsible for the actual Introduction ceremony which includes the meal prepared for the guests.
For Hilary as the groom, the whole budget is about the dowry being presented to Florence’s family which is his responsibility. This had been negotiated by both families but it is the bride’s family that tells the groom what they require in order to give permission for their daughter to get married.
For example, two of the largest items Florence’s family requested was one cow (many families would require four) for the representative for the father (who has passed) and a sofa set for the mother. Each one of these was approximately $400. By the end of the week, Hilary didn’t have enough for both. So they made a decision to purchase just the sofa for now. They had to call the family on Friday and let them know what has come in and what we will come with. This is important because there are cases if you don’t come with everything on the budget list, they refuse to give permission and the wedding can not proceed.
The week was spent in meetings, talking to friends and family about helping (which is how they raise the funds for the wedding) and adjusting the list. By time Thursday came they had a good idea of what they were working with. Friday they began purchasing the necessary gifts. They were shopping and wrapping all the way up until it was time for us to leave on Saturday!
Even though Hilary did not raise enough to complete the list, they were satisfied for Saturday as long as they complete the whole list at a future time. This way the Introduction can continue and the wedding will happen next week. I am not sure how much is left but I know it includes a cow and goats!
There was debate as to whether I needed to wear a Gomesi. I had a fancy enough “Kitenge" (my other African dresses) that Godfrey said would work. But while shopping for food on Thursday, the girls said they were all excited about seeing me in a traditional Gomesi. I really wanted to follow the cultural expectations. I knew the cost would be higher for one of these dresses compared to the ones I normally have. But they started talking about how we could “hire” one for the event. I thought they meant hire someone to make one for me which would be less expensive. We finally figured out the work “hire” for them meant “rent”for me! They said most people can’t afford the dress so they just rent it! The decision was made and we decided we would go on Friday and find one for me to wear! It turns out they were going to hire theirs as well!
Sylvia, Joan and Sophia took me to a bridal shop in town. I tried on just two. The first one was a beautiful royal purple gown! As soon as I put it on the girls were so happy! We almost just settled on that one until I tried on the other one! It was a beautiful black gown with a lot of sparkle. The sash was white covered with sequins that were iridescent! It was a hard choice but as soon as they say it they said, "that is the one"! Renting all three pieces only cost 45,000 shillings ($12). I asked if you buy something like this one what would be the cost. They said it could be upwards of minimum 300,000 shillings ($84). You can see the difference that makes for a Ugandan.
Joan came to the hotel to help dress me on Saturday. I went to the home before going to the Introduction because not everyone is invited. We were only allowed to have ten people from Raining Hope. Especially since many of our students are in school during the day or at boarding school that didn’t leave many back at the home. So I went to see the ones at the home before heading out. They LOVED that I was in a Gomesi!
It is hard to adequately express the whole process from beginning to end. It was unlike anything I have been to before. Our Raining Hope Ministries were a part of the organizing committee. We were allowed more people from the church to attend. Between our family and the church, we gathered into about 4 cars and proceeded to the village of Kakira (about a 20 minute drive). We met up at a place nearby the bride’s home with the rest of Hilary’s family and friends as we needed to all show up together. Last minute they were still collecting funds for some of the “envelopes” that would be presented to the bride’s family. On Hilary’s side we had about 40 people.
Once at Florence’s home, we lined up and were formally ushered in. The event was outside under rented tents. Many times Introductions are smaller, private events inside the home. But others opt to have it outdoors because of space. Many of the villagers come to glance in and watch. We had many, many children observe from afar. On Florence’s side there were about 150.
By time we arrived I think it was close to 4 pm. The whole event including a meal lasted about four hours.
Most of the Introduction was in the local language of Luganda and in Kinyarwanda, Florence’s language as a Rwandese. They didn’t have an interpreter for English as I would have been the only one needing it! Joan and Sylvia sat on either side of me and interpreted the most important things. But most of it I just sat and soaked in and observed. I understood most of what was happening.
At one point in the ceremony, after the aunts are ushered in, the main aunt called a “senga” is accompanied by another aunt as they dance and search for the groom. I didn’t realize Hilary had been way in the back with the other groomsmen. Once they find him, he basically responds that “he is the one”. They bring him back to the front to the seat of honor where he stays for the rest of the service.
The bride finally “dances” her way in accompanied by her family. She looked so beautiful! This truly was the equivalent of a wedding. She was in her first traditional dress out of four that she would wear that evening.
In the scope of the four hours, there was a lot activity including the presenting of a basket from the groom to the bride at the beginning of the ceremony. At the end the bride then presents a basket to the groom. Each item in the basket represented something significant. There are various fruits, sweets, soda etc. There was the presentation of an engagement ring to Florence. Florence gave Hilary the gift of a watch.
Then came the presentation of the dowry. Wow. It was so very interesting! Hilary’s family (including Raining Hope) goes to the truck where they had loaded all the dowry. Each item (food, soap, rice, water, soda etc.) was beautifully wrapped individually in boxes. They carried each item on their heads back to the front as an offering from the groom to the bride’s family. The first item was a suitcase for Florence which symbolizes her bringing her things from her home to her new home with Hilary. The last item was the sofa set for the mom which is the largest gift.
They had me stay seated and Sylvia stayed with me as well as Godfrey. It was overwhelming to see all the gifts being presented. Because Hilary was so short of items in the dowry, it was good to see how God multiplied what we did have!
After the presentation of the gifts, the meal is served to all In attendance. The main family members (including Godfrey) go inside to eat the meal. This is where the final negotiations take place for the dowry. Thankfully, Florence’s family accepted what was brought so the official letter giving permission for her to marry Hilary was signed! Culturally, they said there are times it is not granted. Hilary said that moment is a very tense time while you wait on the final ok!
Last thing is the cutting of the cake! By then many have left because the meal had been served! Plus it was getting dark and late. Hilary then serves his side cake and Florence her side.
When we drove away I marveled at the honor of being a part of such a beautiful event. Hilary is SO HAPPY. We went back to the home to spend time with those who came back from school and could not attend. Hilary had joined us so we celebrated together! Thank you to everyone who prayed for the Introduction. We had a lot of things going on behind the scenes. God was glorified and honored through it all.
Thank you for reading this longer update. I wish that you could have all been there to experience it first hand. I hope I gave you a glimpse into how special this Introduction was. Photos will fill in the gaps of your imagination as to the meaning behind the words! It will have to happen after I return but will be worth the wait!
Kale,
Mama Eydie Kisakye!
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